Every story has three sides to it - yours, mine and the truth.

We have to believe in free will - we’ve got no choice.

If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.

There is no class of person more moved by hate than the motorist.

We all like to think we are unique - until someone tells us we’re different.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult

We can never see ourselves as others see us - even a mirror shows us in reverse.

When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more.

Whenever you’re on top of the world, you should remember it turns over every 24 hours.

If a cluttered desk is an indication of a cluttered mind, what is indicated by an empty desk?

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.

One trouble with political jokes is that they sometimes get elected.

People’s minds are like parachutes. To function they must first be open.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
Is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have begun a sentence with the words “I wish I had a dollar . . .”

If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.

The first thing education teaches you is to walk alone.

You should never count your chickens before they’ve hatched - but it’s a lot easier.

There are only two emotions in an aeroplane: boredom and terror.

Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for.

Do not choose to be wrong for the sake of being different.

When holidaying, always get there yesterday. That’s when the fish were biting.

After a visit to the beach, it’s hard to believe we live in a material age.

So live that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.