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Blonde Jokes

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
~ Gifted.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
~ Pregnant.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
~ Artificial Intelligence.
How do make a blonde’s eyes light up?
~ Shine a torch in her ear.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
~ Because it takes too long to retrain them.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
~ You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
~ Because they can spell it.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
~ Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
~ Tits go in front.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
~ A dope ring.
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
~ An interpreter.
What do call a blonde between two brunnettes?
~ A mental block.
How do you change a blonde’s mind?
~ Blow in her ear.
Why do blondes have more fun?
~ Because they don’t know any better.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
~ “What’s a light bulb?”
What’s a blonde’s favourite wine?
~ “Daaaaddy, I wanna go to Miaaami.”
How do blonde brain cells die?
~ Alone.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
~ To see what was on the other side.
What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
~ Pull the pin and throw it back.
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
~ The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
~ An airbag.
What do you call 10 blondes on the bottom of a pool?
~ Air bubbles.
What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row?
~ An air tunnel.
What do you call 10 blondes lying on the ground?
~ An air mattress.
What do you call 10 blondes in a freezer?
~ Frosted Flakes.
How do you drown a blonde?
~ Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.
~ Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.
How did the blonde kill the fish?
~ She tried to drown it.
How did the blonde kill the bird?
~ She threw it off a cliff.
How did the blonde kill the earthworm?
~ She buried it alive.
How do you drive a blonde crazy?
~ Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
How do you know when a blonde has been making choc-chip cookies?
~ There are M&M shells all over the floor.
What job does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
~ Proofreading.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factroy?
~ For throwing out the W’s.
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
~ Write ‘Please Turn Over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
~ They don’t know the route.
What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
~ “It’s okay Daddy, I’m not hurt.”
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
~ Wave to her.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?
~ Tell her a joke on Friday night.
How do you confuse a blonde?
~ You don’t. They’re born that way.
Why do men like blonde jokes?
~ Because they can understand them.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
~ She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
~ The cow fell on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose?
~ Bobbing for french fries.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
~ There’s white-out on the screen.
~ There’s writing on the white-out.
~ There’s cheese near the mouse.
~ There’s a condom on the joystick.
How can you tell if a bonde has sent a fax?
~ There’s a stamp on it.
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
~ She gets the Pop Tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Why don’t blondes double recipies?
~ The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.
Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency?
~ They can’t remember the number.
~ They can’t find the number 11.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
~ A Space Invader.
What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech etc?
~ A blonde at a flashing red light.
She was so blonde that she . . .
. . . took her new scarf back to the shop ‘cos it was too tight
. . . didn’t waterski ‘cos she couldn’t find a lake with a slope
. . . couldn’t work in a chemist ‘cos the bottles wouldn’t fit into the typewriter
. . . got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said 2 - 4 years
. . . was trapped on an escalater for hours when the power went out
. . . was asked what the capital of California was and replied “C”
. . . baked a turkey for 3 days ‘cos the instructions said 1 hour per pound, and she weighed 125
. . . couldn’t make jelly ‘cos 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets
. . . hates M&Ms ‘cos they’re so hard to peel
. . . changes a baby’s nappy only once a month ‘cos the label said “good up to 10kgs”
Two blondes were walking through the bush
when one blonde said “Look at that dead bird.”
The other blonde looked up and said
Two blondes are walking through the bush when they come across some tracks.
“Look at the bear tracks” says one blonde.
“No they’re deer tracks” said the other.
Half an hour later they were hit by a train.
There were ten blondes and a brunette hanging from a rope from a plane when the brunette says:
“The rope’s breaking. Someone has to let go!”
No one lets go so the brunette continues:
“I’ll go.”
She makes a moving speech and at the end all the blondes start clapping.
There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette
stranded on an island 25km from civilisation.
So the redhead decided to swim the 25km but drowned. The brunette tried to do the same as the redhead but also drowned.
Then the blonde started to swim, got 24km then got tired.
So she swam back.
Two blondes were trying to get their car open using a coat hanger when it started to rain.
“Hurry!” said one. “The top’s down.”

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